Out of Office AutoReply

• I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
  
• You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
  office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
  
• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
  me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your
  mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
  
• Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged EUR 5.99 for the first ten words and EUR1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  
• The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
  unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
  sending again.
  (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many
  in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
  
• Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  
• I've run away to join a different circus.
  
• I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.